Send in the Browns

I could try to sum up last night game's, but Jim at Yinz Luv 'Da Stillers has perfectly distilled three hours of human drama (and the decades of turmoil that preceded them) into a breezy 6 minutes...



Now don't get me wrong -- very few things feel as good as beating the Browns. But before we all get tendonitis whipping our towels around, remember, it's the Browns. It's not like we beat an actual professional team. And honestly, we didn't look that good -- dropped passes, some lack of fire on the line, and Ben's strongest performance of the night might have been the stiff-arm he gave Andrea Kraemer during that interview (certainly cooler than that "Red Shoe Diary"-worthy performance she gave Tom Brady). I'm willing to file the Texans and Browns under "pre-season games 5 & 6"... Things will be a bit tougher when the Steelers head to Philly next week (and by the way, what's with the Steelers playing the Eagles in the pre-season, and then again in Week 3??? Was that 16-10 shoot-em-up so captivating that we need a sequel? And isn't the point of pre-season scheduling to test yourself against teams you'll NEVER see in the regular season? Somehow, I blame Buddy Ryan).

Oh, and do yourself a favor and head to YouTube and subscribe to Yinz Luv 'Da Stillers or visit Jim on MySpace at http://www.myspace.com/yinzluvdastillers. Pure gold.

the beginning of the end

Brady Quinn ended his hold out Tuesday, ending one long nightmare for Browns fans, yet starting another for Mr. Quinn himself. He'll rake in $20 million over five years, though reports optimistically note that the sum could "grow to $30 million with incentives." Unless he managed to factor in bonuses for each individual fracture and additional incentives for time spent scraping his carcass off the turf, I can't really imagine it coming to that. Quinn is now reportedly finally on his way to Cleveland to meet his teammates, at which time I imagine he'll ask for even more money (admittedly, I wouldn't move to Cleveland for a penny less than $45 mil). Some important notes on this story: this guy was the #22 pick overall in the draft, he reportedly had a piss poor showing in minicamp, and the Browns are STILL PAYING HIM. I mean, $20 million for a guy who could wind up sitting behind Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson on the depth chart? Ah, Cleveland -- always making the funny happen (well, except for Drew Carey).

In other news, former Steeler Joey Porter underwent arthroscopic surgery on his right knee Tuesday morning. Not exactly the impact the Dolphins were looking for when they shelled out $20 million for him. He's expected to be out for two weeks. Look on the bright side -- his mouth still works.

a tale of two quarterbacks

the mad genius of Mondesi's House turned up this gem...

yes, we're still months away from football season, but it's never too early to start clowning on the Browns. God bless you, Mondesi's House.

"Cleveland Brown," the new "butterface"

It's been a hectic week, hence the lack of posts, but I return with this gem courtesy of the Howard Stern Show:

"She's what we call a Cleveland Brown -- the uniform looks alright, but the helmet's f---ing ugly."

There you have it: "Cleveland Brown" has officially replaced "butterface." Please update your glossaries accordingly.