Monday, October 13, 2008

Bye Week Blues: Hockey, Bengals, And That Bitchin' Polamalu Commercial

How much do I hate football this week? Well, the Steelers are on a bye, and because of the cruel gods of fantasy football, I need to root for Jamal Lewis tonight (actually, I'd rather just wave goodbye to the league fees than pull for the Browns).

So with football kicking me squarely in the crotch of my Toughskins, I'm instead going to focus on hockey. Actually, I'm going to focus on our buddy Jim focussing on hockey. You see, before there was Yinz Luv 'Da Stillers, there was Yinz Luv 'Da Guins. It's all the insight and awesomeness you've come to expect from Yinz Luv 'Da Stillers, but with more ice...

But for those who still need their dose of Stillers, Jim's doing double duty. This week, he uses the bye week to check in on the sad, deluded indivduals who choose to follow other NFL teams...

And because I'm a giving soul, I provide the following links of dubious origin:
- I knew this commercial was rad. I did not know it was directed by David Fincher, which makes it even radder...

- So where the hell is Limas Sweed? You know, the guy we took in the second round who is now officially number 5 on the wide receiver depth chart. Well, he suited up for the Jacksonville game, but will likely be deactivated for the Cincy game. The problem? Holding onto the ball.

- How bad are things for our next opponent? Even Canada calls them the Bungles.

- Another opinion: "We're pretty much inept." -- Bengals offensive coordinator Bob Bratkowski

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Yinz Luv 'Da Stillers: Week 4

My pal Jim is back with another episode of "Yinz Luv 'Da Stillers," this time with some inspiration for the sagging offense. As always, Jim delivers, so check it out, then go over to MySpace, friend him, and enjoy the weekly goodness (ya jagoffs).

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back

In a move that surprised no one (except those of us eagerly awaiting the return of Frank Pollard), the Steelers once again signed Najeh Davenport to help fill out a backfield that lost its first, second and third strings guys in the span of eight days. Najeh worked out for the team this morning and signed his new contract this afternoon (presumably he'll celebrate at Fat Heads tonight). That sound you hear is the rush of millions of fantasy football owners scurrying to the waver wire to snatch him up (come on, a guy a who didn't make the squad this summer and has now been tapped to play behind a depleted offensive line is a total sure thing... Don't call me a homer... Why are you still looking at me?). It's a solid move -- he knows the offense, he's in playing shape, and you really can’t say no to the star of "Full Clip"...

The Steelers are expected to sign Gary Russell from the practice squad as well, torpedoing my plans to shoot an audition tape this afternoon (dismantle the obstacle course, kids... No, I don’t care what you do with the tires... Just throw them in the river).

Davenport and Russell will likely step into the depth chart behind Mewelde Moore and this guy (great speed, but I worry about his size).

Steelers RB Woes: The Shallow End Of The Depth Chart

Few things feel as good as a win over the Ravens, but last night was costly (not just because I stayed up too late and overslept this morning, though that's kind of a bringdown too). Willie Parker was already sidelined, but Rashard Mendenahll and Carey Davis were knocked out as well (which I think makes me the team's starting running back). Some people are suggesting we check back in on Najeh Davenport (he knows the offense, though he may have already sold all his Steelers practice gear on eBay). But why stop there? Here are a few other familiar roads the Steelers might want to travel down:

Walter Abercrombie

Pros: A legitimate threat as a rusher and receiver (well, 20 years ago, anyway). Plus, his old jersey number 34 is suddenly very available.
Cons: Despite what the WDVE playlist might indicate, it is no longer 1988.

Tim Worley

Pros: Collegiate stand-out and 7th pick overall in the 1988 draft who showed tremendous promise. Injuries held him back from fully reaching his potential (hey, he's due!).
Cons: Probably best to avoid anyone who's been tasered in the past 6 months.

Bam Morris

Pros: His size was always more important than his speed... And let's face it, while he might not be any faster, he's most likely plenty big. Plus, he's eager to play, telling reporters two years ago, "If the Steelers would want to sign me, they wouldn't have to even buy me a plane ticket to get there. I'd drive."
Cons: Welllllll…

Barry 'Bananas' Foster

Pros: Racked up almost 1,700 yards and 12 100+ yard games in 1992. Smart enough to retire with money in the bank, and stayed involved in football coaching in Europe. And he's still just 39 (that's not old, right? Right?)
Cons: Ok, it's old.

Frank Pollard

Pros: Lumbering tank of a man who placed the Steelers on his shoulders and rumbled through the '80s (even with Mark Malone as his QB). Bonus points for the Lamb Of God track "Terror and Hubris in the House of Frank Pollard."
Cons: None. He's Frank f---ing Pollard!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Dry Your Eyes, Steeler Nation

There's nothing like a crap Steeler performance to darken your week. You have to wait a full week for redemption, or in this case -- with a Monday Night Football matchup against the Ravens on deck -- the stench of game 3 will linger for eight long days. Mornings seem colder, work days feel longer, and every paper jam seems to happen to you.

Clearly, we all need a pick-me-up. Maybe a bouquet from FTD, or a delightful coffee treat? No, this calls for something a little stronger.

How about this?

Yes, that's it. Suddenly, all is right with the world. See you Monday, Baltimore.

Monday, September 22, 2008


In case I had f_rg_tten h_w much I hated the Eagles, they were kind en_ugh t_ sh_w up yesterday and remind me (if _nly the Steelers _ffensive line had sh_wn up as well). Let's face it: it was ugly… like meth addict ugly. It was a sick d_g _f a game mercifully put d_wn by the final gun. Thank g_d f_r the Ir_n City bucket specials at Texas-Ariz_na.

If y_u assumed that str_ng games against the Texans and Br_wns were an indicati_n that all was well in Steeler Nati_n, think again. Might be time t_ re-evaluate that line… _r at the very least, surr_und Ben with barbed wire f_r his _wn safety. The _ffensive perf_rmance was s_ weak _n every level, that the highest grade any unit g_t fr_m the P_st-Gazette was a D f_r the receivers. The defense sc_red Bs acr_ss the b_ard and managed t_ keep it cl_ser than it had a right t_ be. But that anemic _ffense perf_rmance c_upled with a gameplan that had many a Steeler fan scratching under their hard hats (where's Mendenhall? where are the quick slant r_utes? why was there n_ answer t_ the Eagles blitz?), and we're lucky we g_t every_ne _ut alive.

Next up, the Ravens. Much is being made _f the fact that the Ravens are "at_p the AFC N_rth." As a reminder, they've played all _f tw_ games, s_ keep y_ur purple helmets in check, bird watchers.

And yes, there's no "O" in the above post… just like the Steelers attack yesterday.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Send in the Browns

I could try to sum up last night game's, but Jim at Yinz Luv 'Da Stillers has perfectly distilled three hours of human drama (and the decades of turmoil that preceded them) into a breezy 6 minutes...

Now don't get me wrong -- very few things feel as good as beating the Browns. But before we all get tendonitis whipping our towels around, remember, it's the Browns. It's not like we beat an actual professional team. And honestly, we didn't look that good -- dropped passes, some lack of fire on the line, and Ben's strongest performance of the night might have been the stiff-arm he gave Andrea Kraemer during that interview (certainly cooler than that "Red Shoe Diary"-worthy performance she gave Tom Brady). I'm willing to file the Texans and Browns under "pre-season games 5 & 6"... Things will be a bit tougher when the Steelers head to Philly next week (and by the way, what's with the Steelers playing the Eagles in the pre-season, and then again in Week 3??? Was that 16-10 shoot-em-up so captivating that we need a sequel? And isn't the point of pre-season scheduling to test yourself against teams you'll NEVER see in the regular season? Somehow, I blame Buddy Ryan).

Oh, and do yourself a favor and head to YouTube and subscribe to Yinz Luv 'Da Stillers or visit Jim on MySpace at Pure gold.