Steelers RB Woes: The Shallow End Of The Depth Chart

Few things feel as good as a win over the Ravens, but last night was costly (not just because I stayed up too late and overslept this morning, though that's kind of a bringdown too). Willie Parker was already sidelined, but Rashard Mendenahll and Carey Davis were knocked out as well (which I think makes me the team's starting running back). Some people are suggesting we check back in on Najeh Davenport (he knows the offense, though he may have already sold all his Steelers practice gear on eBay). But why stop there? Here are a few other familiar roads the Steelers might want to travel down:

Walter Abercrombie











Pros: A legitimate threat as a rusher and receiver (well, 20 years ago, anyway). Plus, his old jersey number 34 is suddenly very available.
Cons: Despite what the WDVE playlist might indicate, it is no longer 1988.



Tim Worley
















Pros: Collegiate stand-out and 7th pick overall in the 1988 draft who showed tremendous promise. Injuries held him back from fully reaching his potential (hey, he's due!).
Cons: Probably best to avoid anyone who's been tasered in the past 6 months.



Bam Morris














Pros: His size was always more important than his speed... And let's face it, while he might not be any faster, he's most likely plenty big. Plus, he's eager to play, telling reporters two years ago, "If the Steelers would want to sign me, they wouldn't have to even buy me a plane ticket to get there. I'd drive."
Cons: Welllllll…
















Barry 'Bananas' Foster

Pros: Racked up almost 1,700 yards and 12 100+ yard games in 1992. Smart enough to retire with money in the bank, and stayed involved in football coaching in Europe. And he's still just 39 (that's not old, right? Right?)
Cons: Ok, it's old.

Frank Pollard

Pros: Lumbering tank of a man who placed the Steelers on his shoulders and rumbled through the '80s (even with Mark Malone as his QB). Bonus points for the Lamb Of God track "Terror and Hubris in the House of Frank Pollard."
Cons: None. He's Frank f---ing Pollard!

Sunday Night Steeler Thoughts

Some random notes, thoughts, and observations from last night's preseason game against the Eagles:

- Madden says he doesn't believe all the talk about the Steelers opening up the offense this season. Where was he when I was picking up Santonio Holmes in my fantasy draft?

- NBC goes to commercial teasing their interview with Mike Tomlin while playing U2's ode to Martin Luther King, "Pride (In the Name of Love)"... subtle.

- Tomlin tells Andrea Kremer, "The tape will tell the story. It doesn't matter what we say. It's about what we do." This is the kind of quote 'Burghers chisel into their lunchboxes. I love this guy already.

- Steelers Quiz: which nightmare-inducing QB of years past was Ben most like on his lame duck INT?
A) Cliff Stoudt
B) Mark Malone
C) Kent Graham
D) Bubby Brister
YOU MAKE THE CALL!

- The D swats at McNabb, prompting the wife to declare, "Splat. Take that, stupid Eagle." She's on the short list to replace Madden some day.

- Wow, a 14-yard punt. What round did we draft this kid in? Oh, the fourth. Super. We should have grabbed a crazy Australian giant, like the Eagles did.

- There's nothing like seeing the one-man offensive assault known as Dan Kreider rumble downfield... It's like watching a bull on ice skates.

- "Is Faneca rocking a fucking moustache? NICE!" Yes, the wife has found something else to be excited about.

- A great effort by Heath Miller wiped out by a bone-headed effort by Parker. Penalties, turnovers... Well, the tape is telling the story so far.

- Parker redeems himself with a TD run that I have to rewind 10 times on my Tivo to savor the complete beauty of it. Everyone picking up their blocks, Willie careening through them... Truly a majestic sight.

- Najeh turns a screen pass into a 33-yard gain. And they laughed at me when I picked him up in the 15th round of my fantasy draft. Yeah, I'm a homer... sue me.

- "The Eagles have nice helmets, until you realize that it's a big bird, and then it just seems kind of gay." And thus the network cools on the idea of putting giving the wife a mic on live TV.

- Are the Eagles really trying to ice the kicker in a preseason game? I'd call it moronic if it hadn't almost worked. Even I am not enough of a homer to put Reed on my fantasy roster.

- Wait, who's that guy in the end zone? Kevan Barlow? Where's he been hiding?

First roster cuts coming today, with the final wave coming Saturday. Most interesting moves should be at RB, where Barlow, Davenport, Carey Davis, Verron Haynes, Gary Russell, John Kuhn, and Larry Croom are all vying for a spot on the roster behind Parker. Again, I vote for the return of Frank Pollard.

Steely McBeam makes me Angry McHate

A lot of people have asked me I think about Steely McBeam. It's not lost on me that these people can't say his name without laughing... not a good sign.

Reaction within the black and gold fan base ranges from "what the hell?" to "what the f---?" My response is unprintable (not because it's obscene, but rather because there's no word for the deeply wounded and disappointed groan that escaped my mouth when saw SM for the first time... yes, his initials are S and M). Honestly, I'm hoping that the collective groans of Steeler Nation send him back into mothballs by week four.

But just in case the Steeler brass don't want to give up on this whole mascot thing just yet, I pulled together a list of potential replacements (since it's only a matter of time before an irate tailgater sends Steely tumbling into the waters of the Monongahela).

Manny Primanti - A giant foam tribute to the 'Burgh's favorite sandwich. Imagine the joy as youngsters scramble to pick up the stray fries and slaw strands that drip from his overstuffed innards as he runs around the stadium.

IC Man - Instead of drawing inspiration from the gay steel mill depicted in "The Simpson," why not poach the spirit of Springfield's Duff Man? There's only one thing that could make a Steeler fan happier than a can of IC -- a GIANT can of IC.

The Chief - A loving tribute to the patron saint of all things Steelers. He could even hand out cigars to the kids.

The winner of the PNC Park Pierogie Race - It would give Oliver Onion a reason to run, and bring Pirate fans closer to a "playoff atmosphere" than they've been in over a decade.

Frank Pollard - I mean, he's probably available.