Steely McBeam makes me Angry McHate

A lot of people have asked me I think about Steely McBeam. It's not lost on me that these people can't say his name without laughing... not a good sign.

Reaction within the black and gold fan base ranges from "what the hell?" to "what the f---?" My response is unprintable (not because it's obscene, but rather because there's no word for the deeply wounded and disappointed groan that escaped my mouth when saw SM for the first time... yes, his initials are S and M). Honestly, I'm hoping that the collective groans of Steeler Nation send him back into mothballs by week four.

But just in case the Steeler brass don't want to give up on this whole mascot thing just yet, I pulled together a list of potential replacements (since it's only a matter of time before an irate tailgater sends Steely tumbling into the waters of the Monongahela).

Manny Primanti - A giant foam tribute to the 'Burgh's favorite sandwich. Imagine the joy as youngsters scramble to pick up the stray fries and slaw strands that drip from his overstuffed innards as he runs around the stadium.

IC Man - Instead of drawing inspiration from the gay steel mill depicted in "The Simpson," why not poach the spirit of Springfield's Duff Man? There's only one thing that could make a Steeler fan happier than a can of IC -- a GIANT can of IC.

The Chief - A loving tribute to the patron saint of all things Steelers. He could even hand out cigars to the kids.

The winner of the PNC Park Pierogie Race - It would give Oliver Onion a reason to run, and bring Pirate fans closer to a "playoff atmosphere" than they've been in over a decade.

Frank Pollard - I mean, he's probably available.