Life Without The Steelers... It Ain't Pretty

The Steelers bye week gave me the chance to check out what the rest of the NFL calls football. It wasn't pretty...

BROWNS 41 - DOLPHINS 31
The Joey Porter-enhanced Dolphins D gave up 41 points to the Browns as the fish slipped to 0-6. Probably not the return they were looking for on their $32 million investment in Joey. Through six games, he doesn't have a single sack, and yesterday, he was beaten for a big TD by longtime verbal (and sometimes literal) sparring partner, Kellen Winslow, Jr. No doubt, if there was a "lemon law" in the NFL, the Dolphins would be towing Joey back to the lot right about now.

PANTHERS 25 - CARDINALS 10
Apparently a top-op somewhere slipped up and accidentally rolled game footage from 9 years ago. That can really be the only explanation for the fact that I was seeing Kurt Warner and Vinny Testaverde behind center.

CHIEFS 27 - BENGALS 20
You know why Tony Gonzalez went bananas this week and put up two touchdowns? Because I traded him away in my Fantasy league. You're welcome, Kansas City.

PACKERS 17 - REDSKINS 14
Even when Brett Favre stinks, he's kind of great (or at least great enough to beat the 'Skins).

EAGLES 16 - JETS 9
This game was ugly... Like "Teri Hatcher without makeup" ugly. I realize that we live in the shadow of the Meadowlands, but Fox 5 really should have shown some mercy and cut away to a "M.A.S.H." rerun or something.

VIKINGS 34 - BEARS 31
Remember the old days of the NFC Central (yeah, "Central"), when hard-nosed teams played hard-nosed football... You know, with defense and everything? For a second, I thought I was watching two kids lighting up Madden '08.

BUCCANEERS 13 - TITANS 10
Conventional football wisdom says that games that come down to a last-second field goal are exciting. Sometimes, conventional football wisdom is wrong... painfully wrong.

JAGUARS 37 - TEXANS 17
And they laughed at me when I drafted Maurice Jones-Drew in the third round. Who's laughing now? Mr. 129-yards-rushing-and-two-touchdowns, that's who.

RAVENS 22 - RAMS 3
I missed this one... Did the Rams miss the player bus from the hotel Sunday morning?

CHARGERS 28 - RAIDERS 14
This is supposed to be the place where I say something about "the real LaDainian Tomlinson" finally showing up and racking up four TDs. Instead, since I'm bitter that he's not on my team, I'll instead ask if the Chargers offense allows anyone else to touch the ball.

SAINTS 28 - SEAHAWKS 17
I said it last week, and I'll say it again today: the Seahawks suck. I bet they miss Brian Bosworth.

getting used to the new place

So it's been almost two years since I updated my blog over at SteelersNYC.com. I chose to blame that on tools instead of laziness, inability to prioritize, alcohol or anything else, so I'm porting the whole thing over here. Yes, I'm sure this will work out much better.

To mark the move to the new digs, I'm pulling a gem out of the vault -- my list of why the Steelers are better than every other team in the NFL. Enjoy, jagoffs...

Who better?

If, like me, you're a Steelers fan making your living somewhere other than western PA, you've probably been approached more than once and asked, "Why do you like the Steelers?" It's an asinine question, and the people who ask it usually follow-up with a laundry list of things that they think are wrong with the Steelers.
They, of course, are wrong, but they did inspire me to explain my devotion to the Steelers by breaking down what's wrong with every other team in the NFL.
Philadelphia Eagles - Like school in July... no class.
New York Giants - Um, they don't actually play in New York.
New York Jets - See above.
Dallas Cowboys - From Jerry Jones to Ed "Too Tall" Jones, a rich history of jackasses.
Green Bay Packers - The closest thing to the Steelers out there, but the yellow helmets and cheese-heads gots to go.
Chicago Bears - Another hard-working, hard-hitting team, but they'll never get over the horror of "The Super Bowl Shuffle." Picking up Kordell for a cup of coffee didn't help.
Baltimore Ravens - Uniforms that would embarrass the World League, and conduct that would embarrass Death Row Records.
Washington Redskins - They finally gave Steve Spurrier a shot in the NFL, and we can always hate them for it.
Detroit Lions - There's no room for powder blue in football.
Minnesota Vikings - Thanks for Super Bowl IX... now get back on the party boat.
New Orleans Saints - Giving black & gold a bad name.
Tampa Bay Bucs - They introduced us to Warren Sapp, which is pretty unforgiveable.
Atlanta Falcons - If you've ever cut Deion Sanders a check, I have no time for you.
Carolina Panthers - Pitt called, they want their mascot back.
San Francisco 49ers - Nice run in the '80s... but the Steelers of the '70s did it first.
Arizona Cardinals - You could fit the entire crowd at one of their home games into a 1965 VW bus.
New England Patriots - Upgraded their uniforms from a man bending over to something from an XFL clearance sale.
St. Louis Rams - If you've ever bailed on a city for a "better deal," you're not in my book.
Tennessee Titans - See above. They're still the Oilers to me.
Oakland Raiders - Again, see above. Plus, there's Al Davis, the one man keeping Grecian Formula in business.
Indianapolis Colts - I'm noticing a trend here. Established in the most cowardly and devious act in the history of the NFL, the notorious overnight move from Baltimore in 1984.
Houston Texans - They hired Kris Brown.
Miami Dolphins - You wear aqua and orange and you're named after a fish.
Jacksonville Jaguars - A legacy of crap dating all the way back to 1995.
Denver Broncos - You know what I like about the Broncos? Nothing.
San Diego Chargers - Named after static electricity. Scary.
Buffalo Bills - Norwood? Levy? How does this team still have fans?
Kansas City Chiefs - This is one of those teams that you forget when you're trying to name all the teams in the NFL. That says it all.
Seattle Seahawks - Never, ever, ever to be forgiven for the embarrassment of Franco Harris' last few games in the NFL.
Cincinnati Bengals - Siegfried and Roy called. They want their uniforms back.
Cleveland Browns - Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.